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Trollop Watch ’09: Knotts Berry Bitch

HauntThis weekend, I had the pleasure of patronizing the annual “Knotts Scary Farm,” the Orange County Mecca of Halloween Entertainment.  It’s the home of numerous haunted mazes, roller coasters that seem to go faster in the moonlit sky, and the stomping ground of a teenaged trollop who didn’t bring enough cash for a soda.

After a long evening of fun, I headed toward the exit, hand in hand with my girlfriend.  Through the throngs of people, I heard a faint cry for help.

About 15 feet to my left, a girl who looked between 14 and 16 years of age was standing next to a food stand with her hands waiving at any and every person walking past.

“Can you spare dollars?  I’m short on money for a soda,” she said, politely.

Unfortunately for her, I was out of hard cash and wasn’t about to buy her a $4 beverage with my debit card.  I looked at her, smiled, and said sorry, but no.

Her extended hand soon turned into a fist and her middle finger pointed up in retaliation.  The rage immediately built within me, and I retorted with the first thought that came to my head:

“Thanks for giving me the middle finger, you cunt.”

We kept walking and I was unable to see her reaction.  One could guess it was apathy, as that was probably not the first time she’s been referred to as such.

To my surprise, my girlfriend did not chastise me for using the C-word.  Partly because she was tired, but mostly, I think, because she agreed.

Upon arriving home I opened up a can of Coke Zero and dumped its contents into the sink as an act of defiance to this horrible human being.  Hopefully, she went home thirsty.  If it were up to me, she’d never again be able to enjoy a soda pop for the rest of her life, not even the generic brands.

Trollop.

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Trollop Watch ’09: Bitchy French Neighbor

A series of incidents in my apartment building, most recently the attempted rape of a hooker in our laundry room, prompted our building manager to call a meeting in our courtyard to discuss ways to increase security.

trollopFor one French speaking neighbor, it was a chance to sling accusations of racism toward people in our building and Americans in general.  Because of this, my french neighbor is the latest “Trollop Watch” sighting for 2009.

At the meeting, one man was translating in Spanish for the non-English speaking residents.  He was describing the man that attempted the hooker rape.  He was black, so he used the Spanish word for it, “negro.”

Trollop interrupted and began screaming at the translator, saying he was using the N-Word and stereotyping the street toughs who have wreaked havoc in our fair community.

Several people of varying races defended the translator, but she continued.

“I speak french and I know a little Spanish, and I know what that word means,” she said condescendingly.

Her claim was that since a similar sounding word in French was derogatory, that the Spanish version of the word meant the same thing.

She threw a fit and had to be calmed down.  The meeting continued and she was visibly upset, unaware of her own ignorance as she slandered people she barely knew.

After the meeting, she started up again, speaking loudly to the manager within 6 feet of me.  I took it upon myself to put this trollop in her place.

“Hey, I took Spanish one in 9th grade, and the ‘negro’ means the color black.  It’s not derogatory,” I said.
“Well that’s terrific for you,” the trollop replied with her french drawl.
“I just wanted you to know that you’re wrong,” I said.

She proceeded to go into a tirade about people in this building using racist terms before, and how Americans in Los Angeles and in general are constantly racist and she has had enough of it.

It apparently hasn’t occurred to her that she lives in one of the most liberal cities in the United States; nor that she always has the option to move back to France.  She said that she could not have this conversation with me and the handful of others in the courtyard, that she had to have a private discussion with our building manager.

“It was really nice to meet you.  You’ve made a great first impression,” I said.  She exploded.
“Why are you being a dick to me?” she asked.
“Lady, you’re the one being a dick,” I said.

Her rage filled as our building manager played peacemaker and took her out of the conversation.  They took a seat on the sidewalk next to our courtyard and had a 30 minute discussion and solved the problem of race relations, both in our building and throughout the world.

Worst Job Fair Ever

People are struggling in these tough economic times.  With more and more costs being cut, it seems that the local commercial industry has been hit the hardest, judging by an advertisement for a job fair in Orlando.  The results are priceless.

:02 – They begin the ad with a nice cleavage shot.  You really can see deep into her shirt.  My eyes are glued.  That tit was really hanging down. 

:05 – The actresses share a loving kiss to establish the tight bond as unemployed friends.  The lesbian undertones are established.

:07 – “Girl, you ain’t heard,” to reach out to the unemployed masses, you must use unintelligible slang.  I hope she removes the chin piercing before her interview.  After busting out some dope street lingo, it’s revealed that 30 businesses will be representin’.  Something tells me Microsoft and Google will not send headhunters.

:20 – Girl on the right jobless AND deaf.  Her friend just revealed all the details, yet she feels the need to ask for the date of the event no more than 5 seconds after she heard it. 

If anyone watching this commercial relates to the actors in any way, please do the American workforce a favor and stay home.  I’d gladly pay the unemployment insurance of these two actresses myself.  Only if the one on the right let me see the rest of that hanging boob.

Trollop Watch ’09: Kate Gosselin

Kate Gosselin

I look like an Irish Setter!

Within seconds of watching “Jon and Kate, plus 8,” I wanted to die.  Kate Gosselin is the worst person I’ve seen on TV since the Mussolini documentary I watched on The History Channel. 

The horrible attitude, the constant berating of her husband, exploitative actions,  and overall twattiness nearly made me impotent.  She has the worst traits of any person I’ve ever encountered, and I pity her husband for procreating with her via in vitro. 

Since viewing the episode, I’ve thought of ways to exact revenge on her for stealing those minutes of my life.  Looks like her hairstylist beat me to it.

It doesn’t stop Kate from continuing her self-praise and being delusional.   From US Weekly

Kate Gosselin says her spiky bob hairstyle reflects her feisty personality.

“It’s my attitude! Everybody wants it. It’s work,” she tells Entertainment Weekly.

But not everybody can pull it off.

“I have very, very thick hair, so it’s not going to work for everybody,” she says. “I’ve seen people come through the book line with thin hair and it’s just won’t work. My hair stylist gets calls from all across the country.”

It’s tough deciding what’s more ridiculous:  Kate believing people want her attitude or that people across the nation want the same hairstyle.  I highly doubt anyone wants a style that looks like a beaver tail is flopping in front of your face while a hedgehog sits atop your head.