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The Other MuldoCast Theme Song

Here’s another song inspired by the MuldoCast, written by Dave Sparrow of The Whiskey Saints.  It’s as equally awesome as the first.  Enjoy.

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Muldo vs. Rap Fans

A while back I did a rendition of the Bone Thugs N Harmony classic “Crossroads” and posted it on youtube.  I received death threats, ridicule, scorn, and lots of comments remarking on how “white” I am.

Looking back, I should have realized the group had a fervent fan base.  My earliest Bone Thugs memory is from back in grade school, when a girl in my shop class chose to carve in  “Bone Thugs E. 1999 Eternal” into the box she built for a project.  Most of us chose our initials, but she went with the current Bone Thugs album.  That’s a true fan.

Here are some of my favorite comments, taken verbatim:

“if i was bone thugz i would try 2 find u and whip yo ass”

“i’m from cleveland and i find this very fucked up”

“weak ass anal lovin cock sucking fat fag sweaty shit licker…. ur fucked up… u suck 4 one and 4 2.. dats sad u cant even complete da damn song and 4 3 thats da best song ever how u gonna fuck it up……. die !!!!”

“stupid white boy im tired of your shit bitch”

“this guy fucking sucks dick and pisses me off”

“this folks is what bone thugs would look like if they sang sober..”

“nigga funny, reminds me of napoleon dynamite”

“i feel like finding you and raping you in front of your mother”

“this is why the majority of white people dont rap.”

There are also many comments understanding the intent of the video, but clearly, I should never mess with a Bone Thugs N Harmony song again unless I want to die a very slow and painful death.

Things I Did in High School: Created a Barenaked Ladies Fan Site Adorned with Nipples

Back in late 2000, I saw the Barenaked Ladies before in concert and it changed my life.  They’re the one band I’ll truly follow, for better or worse.  I was unabashed about this in high school,  contributing to the already vast list of reasons I never dated.  I took my love of the band one step further and designed a website dedicated to them, loaded it with photos of nipples, and gave it the most ridiculous title possible:  The Chilly Nipple.

Legendary Photoshop skills at work.

Looking back, I see the logic.  If a lady is naked, her nipples are most likely chilly.  It’s a catchy joke title but maybe something that shouldn’t have been associated with my straightforward fan page.  Besides having a horrible design and being adorned with nipples,  I waxed poetic on my love of all things Barenaked Ladies. The problem?  No one gave a shit.

The site never got visitors, and I gave up on it almost as quickly as it was created during a brainstorming session in the shower.  After going through my archives, I found the desktop wallpaper that I crafted. It’s the greatest thing about the site, a 10 on the unintentional comedy scale, and arguably the best digital image ever created.

If there's one thing people want to look at when they minimize all their windows, it's an extreme closeup of a large nipple in pastel colors and five guys in a band.

The wallpaper adorned my desktop for several weeks before I realized having a huge nipple in the center of my monitor wasn’t as cool an idea as it seemed (and my mom yelled at me).  The background was changed to something more hip, like “Survivor” contestants, and the website was abandoned.

Fortunately, thanks to portable hard drives and the foresight to save a lot of my old files, it lives on for you to enjoy.

Justin Bieber’s Comb Over

There’s been a lot of talk about this Justin Bieber fellow lately.  I don’t care how musically talented the kid is, the only thing I’ve noticed about him is his atrocious hair.

The comb over is usually reserved for middle aged men who won’t resign to the fact that they no longer have a hairline.  Why does a 16-year-old who probably gets more pussy in a week than I will in a lifetime sport the same style?

As you can see in the photo, Bieber’s hair is grown out longer on the sides, combed toward the center of his head, and matted down by some heavy duty hair products.  I guarantee that if you threw him in a pool, he’d come out with the hair on his sides and back grown past his shoulders, and nothing on the top of his skull, much like Hulk Hogan.

There could be many reasons for Bieber’s comb over.  A few possibilities:

– Record execs forced Bieber into the comb over to cover up a forehead tattoo a la Michelle “Bombshell” McGee [1. A few days ago, McGee spurned an argument between me and my roommate.  I said I would never have sex with a woman who has a tattoo on her forehead.  It’s a complete turn off and, it doesn’t matter how hot the rest of her body is, I couldn’t get over the tattoo.  My roommate then yelled at me, called me full of shit, and said I would do it if the girl was hot, saying if Giselle had a forehead tattoo, I’d still be all over her.  But I really couldn’t do it.  If a girl is careless enough about her body that she’d get a forehead tattoo, no amount of hotness would overcome that for me.].  Bieber wouldn’t be nearly as appealing to preteen girls if he looked like Bam Bam Bigelow.

– Bieber is being proactive and starting a comb over now, instead of resorting to it at a later age when his career takes its inevitable nose dive.

– Bieber shaves the top of his head and combs over as a tribute to his musical hero Frank Sinatra, who famously wore a hair piece.  It’s a more original way to celebrate a hero than recording a tribute album.

– Bieber is a real life Benjamin Button, living in reverse, looking young, but still suffering from male pattern baldness.  this would be the saddest option, since that means we only have a decade and a half left of Bieber-time.  It also explains how he’s so musically talented at a seemingly young age.

No matter the reason, it’s time for Justin Bieber to take a stand on the situation.  He should come forward and finally comment on his hair and why he elects to comb it over, or do what I did when I was 16 and change his hairstyle to a bowl cut that’s parted down the middle.  Either way, we, as a country, could then move on and focus our thoughts to more important matters like the Kim Kardashian-Reggie Bush breakup.

MuldoCast: Alex Parnell of Golden State PART 2

This is part two of the MuldoCast with Golden State bassist Alex Parnell.  If you enjoyed part one, you won’t want to miss the completion of the podcast!

If you want to check out Alex’s band, visit the official Golden State website at http://www.goldenstateband.com/.

[podcast]http://muldo.net/MuldoCast/3-15-10-Alex-Parnell-pt2.mp3[/podcast]

Click here to subscribe to Muldocast on iTunes.  It will be the best decision of your life.

MuldoCast: Alex Parnell of Golden State PART 1

This week’s guest is Alex Parnell, bassist of LA rock outfit Golden State and formerly of Palo Alto.  Tune in as Muldo and Alex discuss what it’s like to record an album with Rick Rubin, life on the road, and what it’s like to be on the brink of rock n’ roll stardom.  It’s a riveting journey you won’t want to miss.

Alex had so much to say, we couldn’t fit it into one podcast.  So, if you like what you hear, check back for part 2 tomorrow!

And while you’re at it, check out the official Golden State website at http://www.goldenstateband.com/.

[podcast]http://muldo.net/MuldoCast/3-15-10-Alex-Parnell-pt1.mp3[/podcast]

Click here to subscribe to Muldocast on iTunes. Subscribe and listen on the go!

McCartney vs. Lennon: The Beatles Christmas Song Debate

LennonMcCartneyIn my 26 years on this planet, I’ve learned there are two types of people:  Those that prefer John Lennon’s “Happy Xmas (War is Over), and those who prefer Paul McCartney’s “Wonderful Christmastime.”

Sure, there is a small minority that likes both equally, but most have a strong preference to one or the other.  The two songs are on opposite ends of the holiday music spectrum and have sparked fiery debate over egg nog sippers for decades.

Let’s discuss.

Happy Xmas (War is Over)

Not a traditional holiday song by any means, and it’s by design.  Lennon wanted to project his message of peace into the Christmas season, and no better way to do it than by having children repeatedly chant “war is over, if you want it.”  I get it, John.  Peace is good. War is bad.  You’re in love with Yoko (even if you still nailed all kinds of women on the side).

The song’s message is true, but depressing, and I want to be cheerful during this time of year.  Also, John Lennon seemed to take himself a bit too seriously.  Earnest for earnest’s sake.  That’s annoying.

On the other side of the coin, we have McCartney’s Christmas entry:

Wonderful Christmastime

There’s no arguing that McCartney and Lennon took completely different paths with their post-Beatles careers.  McCartney was more schmaltzy and fun, Lennon had gravitas and the critical acclaim.  That might work against McCartney when taking a look at their complete solo catalogs, but that helps him with light holiday fare.

“Wonderful Christmastime” is a perfect, if simple, seasonal song.  The video features Paul and Linda enjoying the season together.  Paul and Linda actually had  the true, loving relationship that John and Yoko professed to have in public.

The song says “hey, we know there’s shit going down in the world and that people are less fortunate, but for now, let’s appreciate each others  company and have some fun.”  Really, when you set aside religion, that’s what the holidays are all about;  getting reconnected with your loved ones and taking time to appreciate what you have.

McCartney’s song is bubbly, fun, and it has a synthesizer.

“Happy Xmas” has a similar message, just a different path to it, and one that makes me sad.  Sadness is the last emotion I want to feel.

So on this Christmas Eve, I’ll enjoy a wide variety of holiday songs, including “Happy Xmas.” When it comes down to it, though, I’m a “Wonderful Christmastime” kind of guy.