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How to Sell a DVD in 2 Years

Today is a sad day.  With the selling of my unopened DVD copy of “How To Lose A Guy in 10 Days,” a chapter in the Ryan Patrick Muldowney saga has ended.  There comes a time in every man’s life where he has to part with all his Kate Hudson movies[1. I still own “Almost Famous” and do not include it as a Kate Hudson movie.  It’s a Cameron Crowe film that was well written and acted.  As time goes on, it becomes more and more apparent that Kate Hudson completely lucked into her part as Penny Lane and it was the one roll she played perfectly.  Since then, she’s proven that she’s one note and completely unfunny.  How she keeps landing roles in so-called comedies is anyone’s guess.], and for me, that day was today.

As a service to you and to myself, I took a picture with the DVD moments before I put it in an envelope and sent it away.

The final moment with my last Kate Hudson DVD.

The Hudson DVDs came to me by happenstance.  As a “perk” from one of my TV jobs, I got to keep a DVD copy of every film Kate Hudson acted in.  Since she hasn’t been in a good movie since “Almost Famous,” they collected dust on a shelf until I sold most of them on ebay.  The average selling price was $2.47.  Low,  but it adds up since she’s been in a LOT of bad movies.

I held onto “How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days” just in case I had a lady over and she wanted to watch a horrible romantic comedy.  Chances are if a girl is in my apartment watching that movie, she wants to make out, so we wouldn’t actually spend much time watching it anyways.  Alas, that scenario never played out and it was left unopened.  I held on for as long as I could, deep down knowing that I wasn’t giving this movie the life it deserved.

It was on the auction block several times before Stella from Redwood Valley, CA placed a $3.00 bid and with it, a piece of my heart.  Hopefully Stella enjoys Hudson and Matthew McConaughey sparring for 115 minutes and cementing their statuses as comedy powerhouses.

Treat her right, Stella.

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The Greatest Oscar Moments

It’s the most wonderful time of the year for movie lovers, fasionistas, and celebrity watchers.  It’s the Oscars.

As an important member of the entertainment industry, I felt there needed to be Oscar related information on this blog.

Here are my top five favorite Oscar Moments.  I hope they warm your heart and loins as much as they’ve warmed mine.

Enjoy.

#1 – Oscar Bluth Sings “All You Need Is Smiles”

#2 – Oscar the Grouch launches The War on Christmas

#3 – Oscar Mayer Creates The Weiner Song

#4 – Boxer Oscar de la Hoya releases the first single from his album, “Run to Me.”

#5 – Oscar Hammerstein writes “Oklahoma”

A-merkin Dream

kate_winsletKate Winslet failed in her attempt at method acting for her Oscar winning role in “The Reader” because she couldn’t grow enough bush.  The sexy Brit revealed to Allure magazine that her lack of crotch hair led to a life altering choice.

“I had to grow the hair down there. But because of years of waxing, as all of us girls know, it doesn’t come back quite the way it used to.

“They even made me a merkin – a wig – because they were so concerned that I might not be able to grow enough.”

Merkins, aka pubic wigs, have faded in recent popular culture.  In its heyday, women would shave their pubic hair and wear a merkin to combat pubic lice, and prostitutes would wear them to cover up signs of syphilis.

Winslet’s revelation hopefully means a new generation of merkin-wearing women is in the making, as it’s an underrated piece of clothing that could take the fashion world by storm if marketed properly.

In a perfect world, everyone would own a merkin.  Both men and women would wear very low cut jeans to highlight their new accessory.  It would make even the biggest cities have a small town feel, as strangers would come together and forge friendships based on ice breaking conversations about their respective merkins. merkin

It offers a solution to our economic recession, as a cottage industry featuring unique merkins would provide income to those who have lost their jobs.  Someone could become the Bill Gates of the pubic wig world.

Everyone would make money, which would likely bring about racial and socio-economic harmony.  A society where we’d be  judged not on the colors of our merkins but on the content of our character.

Flush your Pooch

A feel good story out of Britain today, as a puppy survived being flushed down a toilet by its 4-year-old owner.toiletdog

Daniel Blair, 4, had been trying to give the muddy dog a bath, after his twin brother Nicky took the young pup for a walk in the garden of their Middlesex home.

The young boy placed the dog in the toilet and pulled the chain to wash it. Their mother, Alison, told Britain’s Daily Mirror that she ran into the bathroom to find the dog missing.

Little Daniel said he was planning on drying the dog off in the microwave, then giving it a haircut in the garbage disposal.

If I’m Disney, I’m jumping all over this story.  It makes for the perfect animated feature.

Dyno, a British dog (voiced by Colin Firth)  gets stolen from his owner by their next door neighbors and flushed down the toilet.  He’s washed away to the Atlantic ocean, where he emBARKs on the adventure of a lifetime.  There, he meets a lovable cast of sea creatures, including a cantankerous crab (Danny Glover), a fun loving seal (Seal), and a young salmon (Miley Cyrus).  Together, the sea animals help their new friend fend off a big, bad shark (James Woods) and learn life lessons. 

During the journey, he learns to appreciate his new comrades and not dwell on the bad things in life  as he tries to find his way home.

With the star power and a can’t miss concept that both children and their parents would love, you’re looking at at least an $85 million opening weekend.

My Famous Cousin

Barrymore.  Arquette.  Fonda.  Muldowney? 

With my arrival to Hollywood in 2006, my family officially became a dynasty in the entertainment universe.  I am the second person in my lineage to forge a career as an entertainer.  The first:  My cousin Alfie alfiezappacostaZappacosta.

For as long as I could remember, I would hear stories about my famous cousin and his career.  It was a big deal in my family, and anyone would be lucky enough to be half as successful as him.

A canadian singer/songwriter with a long and prolific resume, he achieved his biggest success in the United States with an appearance on the soundtrack for the 1987 classic “Dirty Dancing.”  His song, “Overload,” plays when Patrick Swayze breaks into the car.  It’s a bitchin’ number with a block rockin’ beat.  Around that same time, he released a video for a song titled “Nothing Can Stand In Your Way.”  The video is below.


 

It’s has a very 80s feel to it, with slow motion clapping and hair tosses.  No doubt this became the anthem for Canadian high school graduates in 1986.  It’s a catchy tune and Alfie has a powerful voice and commanding stage presence.

I met Alfie once when I was 7.  He’s very friendly and down to earth.  Every now and then, I tell people about my famous cousin and they think I’m making it up.  It usually comes up when someone mentions “Dirty Dancing.”  I tell them the story, and the typical reaction is laughter and disbelief.  Today, I finally clear the air.  It’s no lie.  My grandmother and Alfie’s father were siblings.  My mom is his first cousin.  We’re related.

Alfie still tours Canada regularly and stars in many stage productions.  Between his musical prowess and me associately producing various shows on basic cable, we make quite a tandem.

Oscar? I hardly KNOW her!

It’s the week leading up to the Academy Awards.  The entire world focuses on the Kodak Theater in Hollywood as the stars walk the red carpet, accept awards, and pat themselves on the backs.  Two blocks away from the hooplah sits my apartment building, which was originally a hotel in the 1920’s.

They blocked off a section of Hollywood Blvd. to prepare for the event.  Since I was off today, I decided to be a tourist for 45 minutes and take some photos of the preparation.  You can see the photos (and the captions below them) by continuing to read, my friendly friend.

A nice photo of my fast-growing hair before I showered this morning.

James Cameron was actually at the top of that billboard, but he hid when he saw me taking the picture.

A view of the preparations from across Highland Ave.

An interesting tarp.

Nice view of the red carpet, though the security guard on the left was thinking “who’s this douche taking a picture?” when he saw me.

They made us walk inside the shopping center to avoid the middle of the setup.  Interesting shot of the giant Oscar wrapped in plastic, too.

I snuck a photo of an Oscar funeral.  As you can see, the other Oscars are very upset about this untimely death.

Some journalist with his crew. 

The bleachers and red carpet from an outsider’s perspective.

Me with my good friend, Jimmy Kimmel.  I swear that’s really him.  It just looks like a sandwich board because of the angle.

A closer shot at the red carpet and bleachers.

Nothing to do with the Oscars.  Just noticed she had a little muffin top pouring out of her pants and snapped a descrete photo of it.

The other side of the tarp.  Thought it looked cool.

Interesting shot of the tent.

This is a cool shot.

Me posing sexily in front of this tent.

A shot of Power House, the bar where you can often find me schooling people at darts in an attempt to woo middle-aged women.

 

So that was my afternoon.  Enjoy the stellar photography  I shot some video too, but it’s not very good.  The photos are better quality.

If you’d like to see the hi-res versions of these images, you can download the zipped folder at http://www.gettinlater.com/oscars.zip