Archive | April 2011

Words with Assholes

I joined the Words With Friends craze a few weeks ago and, for the most part, have had a pleasant experience.  It’s a good way to waste time at work, extend time on the toilet, and for those up there in age, fight off Alzheimer’s disease.

Unfortunately, I hit a speed bump on the road of fun when I played a series of games with a sorry excuse for a human being who was obviously cheating.  Google “scrabble cheats” and at least 50 websites will come up with different ways to help you win.   It’s an easy method of earning hollow victories.

At first, assuming they were a friend of mine with a user name I did not recognize, I let it go.  But after several games, I realized that each time my opponent used 5-6 words that most people who spend all their time playing games on smart phones, and not earning their doctorate in English literature, do not know.

My vocabulary is above average, but I get my ass kicked sometimes and always lose with dignity.  However, unless I’m playing a game with the Poet Laureate, I don’t expect to see a half dozen words on the board of which I’ve never seen nor heard.

In a moment of frustration, I made a half-joking comment about the possibility of cheating.  Their reaction only solidified my stance that this person was of weak moral fiber.  Below is the transcript from our correspondence.

Muldo:  You should try playing without using a cheat program.  It’s more fun.
Asshole:  Ha.  My only cheat program is playing way too many games and memorizing weird words when people play them.  And dictionary word of the day, I suppose.  You should try reading.  It’s amazing the things you pick up.
Muldo:  Use “dharna” and “canard” in sentence.
Asshole:  Haha, those words are not difficult, though I apologize for using words beyond your vocabulary.  You should look them up in the dictionary to learn them yourself.
Muldo:  I didn’t think you could do it.
Asshole:  I didn’t think you owned a dictionary, either 🙂
Asshole: is free, you know
Asshole: It’s ok to lose, you know.  It’s just a game.  People beat me all the time and I don’t accuse them of cheating.  It’s just words with friends, man.
Asshole:  Maybe you’ll get better letters next time.
Muldo:  You are my new nemesis.

By mocking my intelligence and not actually answering my questions, they solidified my belief.  Why not make a self depreciating joke, or actually use the words in a sentence to put me in my place?  Because they’re a lying sack of shit.

I hope that using a computer program to beat a stranger at a word game gives them the gratification that they so lack in their real life, even if I think they’re a fucking asshole.