The Pittsburgh Pirates hired Dr. Bernie Holliday as a “Personal Development Coordinator.” As such, he’ll help players with the mental wellness. The newly created position is an example o the Pittsburgh Pirates thinking outside the box for new ways to compete.
As such, here are ten more suggestions that can help the Pirates gain revenue, drum up publicity, and make them a better organization:
10. Hire actual pirates to rape and pillage competitors.
9. Give players the option of telecommuting one game per series.
8. Team bake sale to raise money for that third-tier free agent outfielder that will be traded in July.
7. Create outrageous storylines for players and management and market it as “Sports Entertainment”
6. Send Jason Alexander (as George Costanza) to Cuba as a Pirates ambassador to gain an inside track on signing Cuban players.
5. Make one or both of the Indian minor league pitchers the next “Bachelor” to bring their reality TV career full circle.
4. Hope the world ends in 2012 and every MLB team has to start from scratch.
3. Nuttings combine two enterprises into one and make PNC Seven Springs Park, a baseball/ski resort.
2. Create Avatars with 110 mph fastball and high on-base percentage.
1. Allow NBC executives to develop Pirates late night and primetime programming.