Archive | December 2007

Dip me love a Dipping Well

I recently attended the greatest party of my life.  Not because of the gorgeous women, the stimulating conversation, or the amount of alcohol I consumed.  I attribute its status to one thing:  Dip.

The first hour I spent at the party was completely uneventful.  Though I was dressed to the 9s (jeans and a black polo) and was having a “Top 5 of 2007” hair night, it was a very underwhelming shindig.

I did what I usually do at parties when I don’t know anyone.  Huddle next to the few people I do know and say few words.  Then, 2 Vodka/Red Bulls deep, I discovered the snack table.

It was mostly picked over, so I took a tortilla chip and dipped it in some salsa.  It was good.  Upon second glance, my eyes were overcome with the realization that, even though most of the food was gone, the dip overflowith and plenty of tortilla chips remained.  There were the following dips:

–  A ranch dip for asparagus.  I devoured it.  My pee later stunk up the entire bathroom, but that’s another story for another time.

– A creamy, yet crisp spinach dip.

– The greatest hummus I’ve ever consumed in my life.

– This crazy dip in a giant pepper.  I dipped both chips and veggies, a free-for-all where anything could, and did, happen.

After about 25 minutes of constant dipping and scaring a dozen other partygoers from the table with my gorging, my friend wanted to leave the party.  He couldn’t tear me away from the table and eventually resorted to leaving a dip trail from the kitchen to the car to keep me satiated. 

I haven’t been able to get dip out of my mind since.  All day today, I’ve been singing a song that I’ve made up about the situation.  Sung to the tune of “Wishing Well” by Terence Trent D’Arby.

Dip me love a dipping well
To eat that’s swell
A dipping well for a fat boy like me
Dip me love a dipping well
To eat that’s swell
A dipping well and a big bag of chips