Archive | May 2006

Resilient Little Bug

A few nights ago, I was sitting on the LA-Z-BOY in my living room, surfing the web.  I glanced down at the floor and saw one of the biggest ants ever.  After letting out a womanly shriek I scrambled to get a paper towel from the kitchen before it could crawl into a crevice and be lost forever.

I tried picking it up with the paper towel, but it kept crawling away.  After several tries, I finally got it.  Instead of squishing it, I decided to throw it in the toilet.  Normally, I would flush without thinking.  But I hesitated.  I watched the abnormally large ant swim around, trying with all its might to get to some dry ground.  I took my hand off the flusher.  I could not kill this insect.

The ant finally got to the end of the bowl, crawled up, then slid down.  This happened a few more times before I began to feel bad.  I couldn’t kill this ant after we shared this intense experience together.  It would be like Keanu Reeves flushing Sandra Bullock down the toilet at the end of “Speed.”  But I had to think fast.  The ant wouldn’t last much longer in the frigid toilet waters.

I found an empty mouthwash bottle.  This was the lifeboat that would save the little-ant-that-could.  I hovered it over the water, coercing the ant into crawling on it.  It took a little time to convince the ant.  I guess I would be weary of me too.  I’m the one who put him in the toilet, after all.

Ant crawled around on the bottle while I twirled it accordingly to keep him on the top end at all times.  Finally, I opened the front door of my house and gently placed Ant on the ground.

“Good bye, my friend.  And good luck out there,” I said.

The ant scurried away, off to parts unknown.  Who knows where it ended up.  I like to think of him starting a family of little ants.  Ants that will no doubt infest my house in an act of revenge for the torture I put their father through.